The team formerly known as the "Chicago Breeze" in action at the West Side Grounds
Chicago (AP) - At a heated press conference held outside their historic West Side Grounds ballpark, the Chicago Breeze announced their intention to rename the franchise the Chicago Orphans, which will take effect at the start of the 1911 season. Surrounded by a group of small tykes from the Jackson Street Home for Abandoned Children, Team Owner and General Manager Colonel Thorlief Moxness, the maverick saloon and tinned beef magnate, excitedly proclaimed, "The Chicago Orphans will be the pride of the Canyon League, turning those worthless Steelmills into scrap metal. The Steamers will run all the way down to Mississippi when we get done with them. The Stranglers will choke on their own vomit after losing game after game to us. The Bluecoats will turn green with envy when they see our record. The Explorers will discover what last place feels like. The Americans will want to burn down Washington again after they lose another game at home to us. And the Warriors will lose every battle to us just like Custer at Little Big Horn - in a slaughter!!!" Col. Moxness, taking swigs from his bottle of Rye Whisky, talked about the exciting changes he has in store for his new team, proclaiming 1911 as "the year of Adoption" and that he will personally adopt an orphaned child for every win the team has during the '11 season.
When asked why he felt the need to change the name of the franchise, the somewhat inebriated and cantankerous owner responded, "This is my team - mine! And I'll do what I want. The Orphans were my favorite team when I was growing up, and I always wanted to own them. Besides, the name Breeze is for pussies."
The new roster has yet to be filled out, but no matter who's playing in the West Side Park infield, it should be an exciting year of base ball!
1 comment:
Classic entry from D. Tully Moxness. That's getting into the spirit of the '11 season... Anyone else have anything?
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