Inagural Canyon League Confidential

Today's marks the beginning of a new weekly column here on the CL Blog: Canyon League Confidential. We'll be talking about anything and everything in CL world, from the pennant races to the gossip that goes on behind the scenes. We hope you enjoy it - drop us a line with suggestions for our next column. Away we go:

From the Penthouse to the Outhouse -

San Diego's Mega-Meltdown

It's beginning to look like Cinderella's coach turned back into a pumpkin much earlier than anticipated by her fairy godmother, as the scrappy San Diego Gulls have gone from a hot 19-7 start to a sub .500 record of 20-22. For those of you who aren't math majors, that's a 1-15 record since they sat atop the league's best record. Not since the incident at Chernobyl has a meltdown of this proportion been witnessed. GM/Manager Nelson Somers has begun to drink heavily, and the players are on the verge of a 'Storm The Bastille'-like revolt. We sat down with an anonymous Gull team leader, and he painted a portrait of a team that is more Jackson Pollock than Thomas Kinkade. Fasten your seatbelts - it's gonna be a bumpy night:

Q. Hi , thanks for talking with us after a second painful loss to your hated rivals here in San Francisco. What is your opinion of your team's performance, especially over the last 16 games?

A. It's a freakin' embarrassment what we're going through right now, losing so much, playing like we're in last place! I don't take that lightly. I don't take it as nothin'. I'm embarrassed. I can't even pick up my head because we're so bad. I can't take it no more

Q. Does losing so much, so fast, ever get any easier?

A. I'm freakin' tired of being embarrassed. I just hate losing. I'm sorry. I'm not a big guy on anything else but winning. If nobody likes the way I take it or go about it, come and see me. I just like winning. That's why we're here.

Above: "Mr Anonymous"

Q. What do you think needs to change? Is it your GM or the players? Some have said that after your hot start that Nelson Somers began to create a 'soft' environment and encouraged players to focus on their stats.

A. I don't care with who or without who, but winning needs to be our priority! We came here to win. We didn't come here to be part of a country club just to pass the time, just to get paid. At least I didn't come here for that. I didn't come here to frickin' lose. People have got to understand, if you think only for yourself and your numbers and not the team, you're probably going to have a so-so year. But if you play for the team, to win, you're going to have way better numbers. If we have people here who are worrying about getting paid or just happy to be here and not worrying about winning, they're on the wrong team - or I am.

Q. So you're saying some guys have fallen into the 'spoiled superstar mode'?

A. We have a saying in Loompaland: 'I put my little piece in the puzzle.' What I do on the field is my piece. But I can not carry the team. Magglio Ordonez can not carry the team. Hanley Ramirez, nobody. This has to be done together. If we do it together, we're going to be fine. If we go separate ways, then it's going to be another year like this year.

Q. On the positive side, you have fourteen games left to play and have just made some solid player acquistions for the stretch run. What do you think the team needs to do in that time to win the West?

A. Go out there between those lines and respect the game. Go all out for 31/2 hours and respect your teammates. That's the biggest thing here, respect your teammates and work your ass for nine innings. If you get beat, you could keep your head up. But if you beat yourself or you don't come out with the right energy or desire, if you're coming out just to get paid, it's hard on everybody.

If the rest of the Gulls can carry this attitude with them in their next two games in SF and for the rest of the season after that, San Diego should be the team to beat in the West; otherwise, fans are about to grow restless with the Gulls rebuilding process, and a new GM may be needed to finish what Nelson Somers can't.

Blame It On Your Brother!

A major performance-enhancing drug-related scandal is brewing in the Canyon League, and to nobody's surprise, it's a division-leading team run by a Somers brother; to everybody's surprise, it's not the Gulls - it's the Thunder. In a development sure to take the wind out of the sails of the 'Good Ship Candy-Pop', two Thunder players, Rick Ankiel and Troy Glaus, have been implicated for using both anabolic steroids and Human Growth Hormone. According to inside sources, both players received shipments from a medical lab called SHANSOM Peformance Tech Inc., located on a remote property known as Shiells Ranch in Fillmore, CA. This is a well-known illegal pharmaceuticals operation that trades its wares at farmer's markets throughout the state of California, using a produce business as its front. Nobody at this operation could be reached for comment, and at present, we are still trying to determine who owns and manages this top-secret organization. In a phone call that could only be described as 'ugly', Thunder manager/GM Chris Somers had this to say about the allegations:

"If you want answers, ask my brother!!! He's the guy behind all of this. I just sell candy to the horse people and try to run my team in my spare time. He's the one who turned everybody on to that lab, not me. I was planning on trading those guys to the Gulls anyway - I need more pitching! Now leave me the f&c* alone - Jennifer needs help in the kitchen"

Above: Rick Ankiel at a Recent Workout

While our insiders did report that highly secretive trade talks did take place between San Diego and Cleveland last night, we aren't sold on the 'blame my brother' stuff. It is interesting that the tangled web of deceit does seem to lead back to San Diego, however. It's obvious the "best behavior" of Nelson Somers is most definitely a thing of the past!